hi hope you are having a good day!

October 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

hi hope you are having a good day!

Appreciation and Poo Jokes. Yes, I realize that sounds gross.

June 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

I haven’t posted yet this week because I am currently on vacation with my family. I have done nothing but sit on the porch and stare at the ocean (the beautiful view from our house seen below), read One Fifth Avenue by Candace Bushnell and play with my niece and nephew. The place we are staying at is gorgeous and I am absolutely loving the relaxation time after the craziness that was graduation a few weeks ago.

Also, my family thinks drinking at noon on vacation is acceptable and that poo jokes are still hilarious, so I’m content. One any only downside: the only coffee supplied is decaf. Could someone please explain to me the need for decaf coffee? To me, it’s just as boggling as the size and shape of Donatos pizza slice sizes (I always end up eating 47 of those stupid squares because, like a good American, I’m use to the oversize triangles) and how Carrie Bradshaw affords her extravagant lifestyle on a columns discussing the male sex organ.

A short walk from the beach and a beautiful pool. What more could I want? Other than a fat pug.

From the writer of Sex & the City! I realize it might be a shallow read, but I read Shakespeare throughout college, so I've paid my dues.

The abundance of relaxation and sun have made me realize how lucky I am. Therefore, I have decided to make a list of things in my life that I appreciate. I know you’re all supremely eager to know why I enjoy my life (not) so read on, my adoring fans.

  • Catching up with friends when they’re across the country.
  • Knowing my mom will always have the best advice.
  • Watching The Lion King with my nephew and singing along with all the songs.
  • Having the support of my family all through school and now during rampant job searching (SOMEONE HIRE ME).
  • Being excited about starting the next chapter of my life, even though that sounds extremely cliché and Carrie Bradshaw-esque.
  • Hearing that people enjoy reading my blog!
Have a lovely day!
-e

Catty housewives are keeping me sane. What’s wrong with this picture?

June 23, 2011 § Leave a comment

Post grad life has been getting me down. It’s rather monotonous and I’m realizing what it’s going to be like with my friends scattered all over the country. Going from having everyone living in the same town, even under the same roof, to being in different states is a change that I definitely wasn’t prepared for. However, my melodrama can only last for so long. People are spilt up all the time in life, it’s just something to accept. Besides, I think I want to start Skype sessions where we all drink wine and watch Sex and the City on DVD at the same time. A classy activity that can be done anywhere, anytime.

To lighten the mood of this post, I’m acknowledging a few things that are making the end of college a little bit less upsetting. Not everything about home is awful; my big, cloud-like, bed, the ten minute drive to Target, my mom cooking for me and having more than five restaurants to choose from for dinner. On top of those, here are four more fab things that I’m enjoying right now.

The Beverly Hills housewives are easily my favorite. Watching their cattiness and never-ending bank accounts is thoroughly entertaining to me. Plus, Camille is a psycho.

Riesling wine is beautiful, wouldn't you agree? I feel like people might start to think I'm hitting the sauce a little too much for how much I talk about Riesling. Worry not, my friends, I simply enjoy a glass classily with dinner.

Keeping up with one of my fav blogs: Cupcakes and Cashmere. Nothing like looking at the life of a fabulous twenty-something to motivate me to find a job!

This less than glamorous picture is signifying the packing I am currently doing. Relaxing on the beach is in store next week and I'm beyond excited! Plus, a personal triumph is the size of that bag. I have always overpacked and not bringing 17 pairs of underwear, 8 dresses and 4 bathing suits is like finally being able to bench press 250 after months of training.

Have a lovely day!

-e

{rant} Alright, I get it. America’s Got Talent.

June 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

Last night, my mother forced me to watch The Voice with her. This happened the night after she forced me to watch The Bachelorette with her. From this we can learn two things: I need to gain willpower and my mom has an addiction to reality television. I sat through The Voice only with the help of a glass of Riesling, and I became a little melancholy with each of Carson Daly’s introductions and interjections. TRL is certainly a thing of the past when his biggest gig is asking Blake Shelton what he thinks of Frenchie’s less sexually charged version of Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.”

Listen. It isn’t that I don’t understand people’s excitement over these shows. Hell, I wanted to be on American Idol until an unfortunate case of vocal cord nodules got in the way. My choir teacher was almost as crushed as my chances at getting any more show choir solos. What I don’t understand is why we need fourteen different shows with the same premise. Isn’t The Voice just American Idol but with weird teams? Teams which I still can’t truly understand the need for? It’s actually kind of like their hosts – Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly really aren’t all that different, one is just more pop culturally relevant than the other.

Maybe it's his pearly whites and scarring childhood photos (google it) that have made him the next Dick Clark.

 All I’m saying is I realize that we have a high number of talented humans living in the United States. But must we put them all on television and pretend they are going to be culturally relevant in three to five years? Maybe that’s too harsh. But tell me this: who won America’s Got Talent last year? Who won American Idol three years ago? The only one I’ve heard of from America’s Got Talent is a twelve-year-old girl who has vocal chords that sound like a forty-year olds. Which I suppose is interesting, but it also makes me wonder if she’s an alien or something.

Perhaps I’m bias in this thinking, but let’s start a show called America’s Got Writers. It’ll be all about writers and who can write the best short stories or even catchy one liners for commercials. We could bring Oscar Wilde and Virginia Woolf back from the dead, add in a few “hip” writers like Chuck Palahnuik and Thomas Pynchon and watch as they disagree on writing styles while the writers try to make deadlines and impress both the old and the new.

Bottom line: While I acknowledge that yes, America’s Got Talent, I think talents other than amazing vocal cord abilities and the means to put both of their legs behind their head and still run a four-minute mile, should be acknowledged. Just because it would be praised at the circus doesn’t mean it’s better than being able to write the perfect short story. Although, now that I think about it, it would be really cool to be able to run a four-minute mile with both of your legs behind your head.

{rant} Am I buying O.P.I. nail polish or a Roles Royce?

June 21, 2011 § 1 Comment

While I realize that $8.50 cannot get you close to even a monthly payment on a Roles Royce, I find it ridiculous that I must shell out enough to buy a burrito bowl and a drink at Chipotle for a small bottle of “nail lacquer.” Sidenote: why do they call it nail lacquer? It sounds somewhat like liquor. Anyway, I don’t get it. While this isn’t a rant about O.P.I., it is about the price tag that Marie Antoinette and the rest of French royalty would’ve been comfortable with.

This may sound petty. Sure, I could buy Wet ‘n Wild nail polish and cease my rant about the price tag of something that half of our population (read: men) don’t wear. Unfortunately, I find Wet ‘n Wild to have the consistency of the paste that weird boys liked to eat in the first grade. I’m not gonna put that stuff on my nails and risk having them gnawed off when I babysit my six-year-old nephew. Plus, Wet ‘n Wild also reminds me of the days that I wore body glitter, rocked a mouth full with ten pounds of mental and the same color pants, shirt and hair scrunchy, all from the fashion powerhouse known as Limited Too. Not a time I necessarily would like to relive.

Simple color, right? Try guessing the name.

 Maybe the high price I am paying supports the salary of the person who names the nail polishes. I wish I could make that position sound better, but I’m unaware of whether or not there is a specific title for that job. For example, the nail polish pictured above is called so little clowns, so little time. In what way does that correlate to that bottle of polish? I will say, however, the names make the nail polish buying a little more fun. I want to see if this position is something I could apply for; names such as booger variety tissue decoration and blush of a woman laughing as she realizes her dress is tucked into her underwear really shouldn’t be in my head, but rather on a bottle of light green and pink bottles of nail lacquer.

Bottom line: The nail polish is great, so just plug your ears when the sales girl tells you the total. But, continue to remember how ridiculous it is.

{rave} Hay-lo, Fro Yo.

June 20, 2011 § 3 Comments

When I lived in Chicago last summer, my pals and I found an unhealthy-posing-as-healthy dessert gold mine on Wabash Avenue – Berry Chill. Y’all want to eat some yogurt couture? Berry Chill is here to serve it to you, sometimes even delivering it in a smart car (pictured below) or a weirder, less technologically advanced Segway (not pictured). You get to choose from around twenty toppings, ranging from nuts to cereal to candy to cookies. And fruit. But really, who wants to put fruit on that? It’s dessert, not breakfast at a detox spa with life coaches and an event planner named Sky.

When we were there I saw a new worker try to get in the smart car for a delivery, but was stopped by a manager to discuss how "dangerous the rush of power that comes with the steering wheel of a smart car" can be. I wish I was making this up.

Berry Chill also likes to profess the health-factor of their Pinkberry twin, something that was shot down faster than a handicapped goose in Alaska, after adding toppings. For example: Although I always chose the medium-sized, plain flavored yogurt, I added brownie bites, sprinkles and graham cracker. I looked it up online one time, and let’s just say Kirstie Alley really would’ve enjoyed this treat pre-Jenny Craig.

Does this look like something they would praise on The Biggest Loser?

I love fro yo. And I love using the abbreviation fro yo. I also love allowing fro yo to be unhealthy, even though people in LA like Paris Hilton and Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends put all this crap fruit on it and act like it’s a heathy dessert. One way I have found to make it a small fraction healthier? I found a quart of plain, frozen yogurt at Trader Joes the other day and I’m in love! I can try to ration my toppings and enjoy the yogurt. Plus the cute design of the tub makes me feel almost as trendy as I would walking past the Berry Chill scooter.

Adorable.

Bottom line: go get some fro yo, y’all.

Instead of cutting off my hair or piercing my lip, I’m doing something different here.

June 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have been avoiding this blog. My Pisces personality kicked in after about a week of not posting; Pisces personality meaning avoiding & ignoring. But today is the day I will break the cycle! My astrological confinement will no more keep me from posting pointless information on the internet that could someday ruin the chance of running for office or opening up a dog photography studio.

I have decided to do something different with le olde Ugly Friend. I have decided to start posting rant and rave posts. If you have read any of my entries you know that I am far from lacking an opinion, and I think I’d like spill out the thoughts I have when I see things like gauchos on thirty-three year old women or a beautiful, overweight pug panting on a porch. I’ll still throw four fab things posts out there, and lord knows stopping my ramblings would be as easy as getting Paula Deen to ration her butter use.

So there it is. Hopefully y’all think this is worth your time and more important than watching baby seals or pre teen stars gyrating in music videos on YouTube. In the meantime, here are a few fab things. A few meaning, GASP!, four of them.

I just found the fourth season of Boy Meets World on DVD and almost cried out in joy. Watching this show not only takes me back to my youth, but it also makes me realize that I am just like Cory - neurotic and nervous.

This is one of my favorite quotes and one of the hardest things for me to learn.

I WANT A FROZEN YOGURT MAKER. CuisineArt has answered my prayers and now I just have to find the $99.95 necessary to purchase it.

I haven't mentioned graduation on Ugly Friend yet because I'm still not sure what to say about it. But I do know what I can say about my three best friends - I'll always have them.

Have a lovely day!

-e

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