{rant} Alright, I get it. America’s Got Talent.

June 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

Last night, my mother forced me to watch The Voice with her. This happened the night after she forced me to watch The Bachelorette with her. From this we can learn two things: I need to gain willpower and my mom has an addiction to reality television. I sat through The Voice only with the help of a glass of Riesling, and I became a little melancholy with each of Carson Daly’s introductions and interjections. TRL is certainly a thing of the past when his biggest gig is asking Blake Shelton what he thinks of Frenchie’s less sexually charged version of Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.”

Listen. It isn’t that I don’t understand people’s excitement over these shows. Hell, I wanted to be on American Idol until an unfortunate case of vocal cord nodules got in the way. My choir teacher was almost as crushed as my chances at getting any more show choir solos. What I don’t understand is why we need fourteen different shows with the same premise. Isn’t The Voice just American Idol but with weird teams? Teams which I still can’t truly understand the need for? It’s actually kind of like their hosts – Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly really aren’t all that different, one is just more pop culturally relevant than the other.

Maybe it's his pearly whites and scarring childhood photos (google it) that have made him the next Dick Clark.

 All I’m saying is I realize that we have a high number of talented humans living in the United States. But must we put them all on television and pretend they are going to be culturally relevant in three to five years? Maybe that’s too harsh. But tell me this: who won America’s Got Talent last year? Who won American Idol three years ago? The only one I’ve heard of from America’s Got Talent is a twelve-year-old girl who has vocal chords that sound like a forty-year olds. Which I suppose is interesting, but it also makes me wonder if she’s an alien or something.

Perhaps I’m bias in this thinking, but let’s start a show called America’s Got Writers. It’ll be all about writers and who can write the best short stories or even catchy one liners for commercials. We could bring Oscar Wilde and Virginia Woolf back from the dead, add in a few “hip” writers like Chuck Palahnuik and Thomas Pynchon and watch as they disagree on writing styles while the writers try to make deadlines and impress both the old and the new.

Bottom line: While I acknowledge that yes, America’s Got Talent, I think talents other than amazing vocal cord abilities and the means to put both of their legs behind their head and still run a four-minute mile, should be acknowledged. Just because it would be praised at the circus doesn’t mean it’s better than being able to write the perfect short story. Although, now that I think about it, it would be really cool to be able to run a four-minute mile with both of your legs behind your head.

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