Starting cults, one blog at a time.

May 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’m gonna get straight to the point in this little posty and ignore the fact that I haven’t posted since last month. Because you, my beautiful, caring, dedicated reader will love me no matter what. Right? AM I RIGHT?

So, I stumbled up a blog that literally had my crying, snorting, laughing an embarrassing amount today and I want to share it with you because that is what Barney taught me to do when I religiously watched his television program back in 1996. The blog, my friends, is call The Frenemy and you can view it in all it’s sarcastic beautiful wit HERE! I am obsessed and will now dedicate me life to it and create a cult around it and not shave my underarms or pluck my eyebrows and stuff. Please comment and tell me y’all feel the same way and would like to join my cult (we can all buy new sneakers!) … did anyone actually get that ’80’s cult reference joke?

Should I post pictures today? Probably. I think we all know why this blog has readership – and it isn’t my run on sentences and subtle insults at everyday things. So here we go.

EYE SHADOW RAINBOW! I found this at a Thread photo shoot and it reminded me that I wear the same CoverGirl liquid eyeliner everyday like I'm trying to be Twiggy or something. On another note, aren't the colors pretty?

I feel as though every time I get sushi I should put it on my blog because a) it's pretty b) I feel like it and c) it makes me feel like I'm eating healthy when I actually asked for two helpings of spicy mayo and ended up eating the spicy mayo by itself with my chopsticks.

This is Stroud's run. For Ohio University students, this is where girls get in bikinis and judge others and dudes throw footballs and softballs and try not to hit people in the face with them. This beach is practically gravel and a friend of mine once found a used diaper in the water. FuN iN dA sUn.

Palmer fest was last weekend and this is my friend Jordan celebrating. Cue my giggles.

Have a lovely day!

-e

You all know how weird I am about my man hands, but ..

April 26, 2011 § Leave a comment

Imma b short n sweet this morning, only because I have a reading quiz to prepare for and my need for Perks coffee right now is crippling. It has been slightly difficult to jump into this week after such a relaxing weekend at home, making class and meetings slightly painful. It is kinda an Easter tradition for my two best pals/roommates to come home with me for the holiday; a tradition that I absolutely adore due to the fact that all the people who tolerate me and my nuttiness are all in one place. The more time I spend away from my family at school, the more I realize how much they mean to me.

Yesterday I walked into the wrong (full) classroom, my phone went off (loudly) in the middle of class and tripped up a (busy) stairwell. Clearly, I was not ready for the week to begin. Sometimes I still feel like I’m an awkward, gangly freshman in high school – minus the shiny orthodontia (seven years of my life my mouth was taken over by metal, I probably could’ve gotten cable). Anyway, here are four things from my weekend that made it the perfect rejuvenator.

Can't beat breakfasts made by my Stepdad. Also, can't beat breakfasts that are served to me while I'm drinking coffee and reading People.com. (Don't judge, you know you do it too.)

I LOVE these flats!! I have been searching for nude flats for a long time, and after an abusive relationship with a pair from Urban Outfitters (there was blood), I've finally found them. Thank you, Steve Madden.

Yes, I do have a Big Top Cupcake mold. I'm not immune to the infomercial ploys. But this thing is amazing! I was even able to put Jeni's ice cream in the middle.

I saw this idea - painting one nail a different color than the others - in a mag and wanted to try it right away. I'm rather pleased with the results! And you should all treasure this picture because you know how weird I am about showing my man hands.

Have a lovely day!

-e

I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man. (or woman)

April 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

If you have ever read my blog before, you know that I am graduating in June. If you haven’t … I’m graduating in June. It is an odd experience to still be in classes and student organizations all while applying for jobs. I’m going to be honest – I am desperate for a job. I have been applying and applying, trying to contact anyone who might be able to help and basically pimping myself out to different companies via my resume and cover letter. It is hard to think of all the hard work I’ve put in through college and not automatically get an offer for a $100,000 a year job with benefits and a private jet and a personal masseuse. THIS IS WHEN I REALIZE I’M BEING MELODRAMATIC. Everyone works hard in college, not just me. I am not going to be a shoe-in or perfect for every job. It all takes time – time I am willing to put in if it means I am going to find a place that appreciates my odd sense of humor and somewhere I can utilize my creativity. I can’t wait until I find it.

Here are my fab four, the few things that keeping me from picturing myself living in a cardboard box and tap dancing on the sidewalk for change after June 11th.

I had never had a Frittata until this past Sunday morning, and I've been missing out. Bread combined with egg combined with cheese combined with a few veggies? YES PLEASE!

I got this for my birthday from one of my lovely roommates and I really enjoy all the cute sayings its filled with.

I always have a candle burning when Im in my room, and this cinnamon bun flavor is #winning (Charlie Sheen joke) according to my nose.

It wouldnt be my blog if there wasnt a picture of a pug, and finding little nugs in everyday life (this example is a magazine ad) makes any day great!

Have a lovely day!

A rare nugget of positivity without sarcasm.

April 14, 2011 § Leave a comment

As I sat on the couch this morning writing an Italian essay in practice for class, I thought about how horrible I am at Italian. I have been taking it for almost two years and I still do not know how to say simple phrases, such as “can I eat the pizza?” or “dogs make me cry in joy.” Then I was taking my daily look at my lovely friend Andi’s blog and saw this cute little pic that made me smile:

So just think about that the next time you think you’re going to fail a test or screw up an interview. It’s amazing what you can do with self-confidence! Have a loverly day y’all. (And I meant to say loverly. I’m trying to be cute and kitschy. ACCEPT ME.)

PS – if you want a website to scroll around on check out this one! If the painful expressions (why????) aren’t enough to make you giggle their outfits are AWESOME.

“My family went to Disney World and all I got was this stupid t-shirt!!”

April 13, 2011 § 2 Comments

I am now going to post pictures of three things that are very important in my life right now. I have decided to be very methodical today, therefore I will post  the three pictures and give descriptions in numbered order after them. This is the business part of the post, and the party will follow with the picture descriptions. Although this joke is overdone and was somewhat popular when I was in eighth grade, this post is like a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back. Cue the recorded laughter used in every episode of Full House and America’s Funniest Home Videos. (I HATE America’s Funniest Home Videos. The videos ARE NOT funny. The videos usually consist of some drunk uncle or four-year old hurting themselves doing something stupid. And sometimes dogs. Which is somewhat cute.) So here are the pics:

 

 

 

{First photo} I LOVE EASTER CANDY. I think it is my favorite candy season. And if I could only eat two things for the rest of my life, the first would be fishsticks (ketchup included) and the second would be Cadbury Eggs. Not mixed together, mind you, but those damn eggs are so delicious, when I was younger I would cry if my mom didn’t let me get one every time I saw them. The deliciously disgusting center that is basically sugar and fat and what makes thighs blow up is pure beauty to me.

{Second photo} Kroger had the most flowers beautiful yesterday! I was shopping and was pushing a cart filled with the girlie-est of products (shaving cream, eyeliner, mascara, Special K Chocolate, Skinny Cow dessert bars, Cosmopolitan) and felt the addition of flowers for only $4.00 was too good to pass up. I’ve heard that flowers are the some of the cheapest ways to make a person feel happy.

{Third photo}  OMG THE DAWG IS PURPLE, FAT AND OLD!!!!! My obsession with fat dogs will never end, and this one was absolutely hilarious. She totally had an attitude and reminded me of my old doggie Skiddles (because she used to skid across the kitchen floor as a puppy) because when she walked her stomach touched the floor and she was always really bored with people. I feel like that will be me when I’m in a nursing home; just sitting in a chair staring at people wearing a shirt that says “My family went to Disney World and all I got was this stupid t-shirt!!” I also will not play card games or bingo.

 

Have a lovely day!

Don’t do the Jheri curl.

April 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

I will not be filling this white space with my witty banter today, but instead posting the pictures of two things necessary to survive a rainy day such as the one Athens is currently experiencing. Personally, I love the rain. It might come from the emo stages of my youth in which I felt the rain reflected my soul (I literally think I once wrote that phrase in my diary), but I think it is because rain calms me down. To me, rain means relaxing, lounging and recharging. Along with a comfy couch, here are the two things I feel everyone needs on a rainy day:

 

A CUDDLE BUDDY!! Obviously my first choice is a pug, but any soft creature (or human I suppose) will do.

Some delicious, warm, comforting soup. My personal choice is tomato tortellini, but any soup will do.

 

As I said, a comfy couch and a blanket would probably make days like these even better, but that is up to your discretion. Here are a few things that I recommend avoiding on a rainy day (this comes from personal experience, y’all):

  • Trying to carry coffee, hold an umbrella, grab a newspaper and open a door at the same time. You will drop the coffee and paper at the same time and you will then drop the umbrella while trying to clean up your mess, and end up looking like a wet, un-caffeinated dog.
  • Don’t straighten your hair. Unless you have naturally straight hair, after being outdoors for around ten minutes you will start to look like you’re attempting to rock the Jheri curl look. And no one has ever been able to effectively rock the Jheri curl. Just google image Michael Jackson in the 1980’s.
  • Wearing flats with no traction. I don’t need to explain the embarrassment you will feel as you slide across the floor and land on your derriere. It will get worse when three people come up to you, asking if you’re alright because “that looked really bad.”

I wish I was joking about the last one. Have a lovely, however rainy, day!

 

Reflections on time spent wiping barbecue sauce on a Bon Jovi-esque shirt.

April 11, 2011 § Leave a comment

As I sat on my couch tonight and ate the BW3 takeout wings I ordered while wearing a shirt that would’ve been appreciated and probably admired at a Jon Bon Jovi concert (“That shirt is straight livin’ on a prayer!”), I thought about how much I enjoy springtime and independence. I thought about how I could have eaten fourteen of those wings, proceeded to wipe my hands all over my shirt and then move onto eating a pound of chocolate cake if I truly wanted to. I even could’ve done it sans clothes. Isn’t it beautiful to be free of personal restriction? I love being able to do what I want without feeling regret or a need to justify my actions; I truly feel like I getting older when I realize that how comfortable I am with wanting exactly what I want. (The only exception to this is when I ate three fourths of a can of parmesan cheese, getting past that low point will take a lot of time and probably ice cream) I will proceed to make a list of other things I love doing/having that I am unashamed of.

  • Watching hours of Gilmore Girls. Knowing hundreds of Gilmore Girls quotes. Seeing the entire Gilmore Girls series almost five times through.
  • Working out at 11:15 PM.
  • Sleeping until 10:30 AM.
  • Taking four different vitamins a day as well as drinking an Emergen-C.
  • Having a big fear of falling down the stairs. (Particularly cement ones.)
  • Wearing four necklaces at a time.
  • Knowing almost everything about Astrology. (All muh Pisces holla at yo gur!)
  • Having dreams about people eating my hands? Please contact me if you have any idea what that means ..

While looking for jobs (please note I’m a hard worker and posses wit that is a rare treasure!!!) it is becoming more and more clear to me that college will be over in less that eight weeks. After these treasured eight weeks are over, it will be difficult to love post-grad livin’ without an acceptance of myself. Thinking what I do sucks will only make my life suck, which would suck. And the word suck is extremely unattractive and it would be unfortunate if I had to use it on a daily basis to describe my life. Plus the innuendoes and the “that’s what she said” jokes would probably make me want to duct tape the mouths of those around me. Possibly that would be going too far.

Here are the fab four!

Reese Witherspoon being hilarious on After Lately, she's cute and funny. And I also think Heather's Drew Barrymore impression sucks.

My favorite part of OU: cherry blossom trees. (This isn't a pic from OU. MUH BAD.)

Disco ball booty shorts. My bad joke about these made a reference to new years eve, but I'll keep it to myself.

I cannot wait to shut Ikea DOWN when I shop for my apartment. Starting with this bed frame.

Have a lovely evening!